TRYING TO FEEL OKAY

As I’m writing this it is the beginning of September 2021. I’m about to transition back to a hybrid working routine, a few days in the office and a few days at home. During transitional periods, I always get the urge to document my days. When things are going to change, I feel like I want to hold on even tighter to the way they are now. Documenting gives me some small relief, because though things will change, I will have these photos forever.

The other day I saw some of my coworkers at a backyard gathering. I felt so happy to see them in three dimensions, instead of tiny flat squares on zoom tucked in the corner of my monitor. It was nice to give other humans my full attention, even if my social anxiety was peaking.

Yes, I think it is too soon. Yes, I think it’s unfair to colleagues to *have* to be on-site to have more people around and more risk for covid. Yes, I am vaccinated and my colleagues are too. But everything feels like too much. Still not ready to leave my survival shell, the little safe place I made at home that got me through the last year and a half. But the feeling of happiness when I saw my coworkers, that gave me some hope that maybe this change will be good for me. Even though I feel comfortable and set in my ways, that maybe my way isn’t always what is best for me, and that I should let things surprise me. Yes I am a Taurus.

Here’s my day.

I try to wake up between 6 and 6:30, normally it’s a little closer to 6:40 after I snooze all my alarms.

I love my mornings. I love having coffee in the quiet. I love the extra time to sit with the dogs. And I’ve been trying to find different little corners of my space to start my day that make the mornings feel a little more intentional and special.

I’ve been enjoying this spot where I can watch the sunrise in the front.

I decided to try a month to month subscription of the New York Times crossword app, and am in the middle of feeling very motivated to get as much use out of it as possible. I can really only do Monday, Tuesday and sometimes Wednesday unassisted.

After about an hour of coffee and quiet time with the dogs, I’ll get ready to talk them out on a walk.

First walk, with all three of the dogs. The oldies don’t come with me on the second, but I make sure they get a nice chance to do all their business.

There’s some music on when we all get home—pleasant. But Yeti and I head off on our second longer walk together.

Practicing some sit and stay with Yeti

Stay.

Good boy.

One of my favorite yards in the neighborhood, I’m not really sure what is going on here but the pigs bring me joy.

The first half of my walk I normally listen to a podcast or music—recently its been Las Culturistas. The second half I call my mom on FaceTime, she normally want to see Yeti and talk through her grocery list.

The schools near us started up again.

After walking around my neighborhood for over a year every morning, I’m still not bored of it. I have favorite houses, and favorite streets and viewpoints. And I always see something new, or notice a new detail.

Back in my yard, checking in on my garden. Earlier in the summer my veggies were doing super well, but in the last month they all kind of got tired of growing—or maybe I did something wrong. I’m hopeful I’ll get a few more zucchinis from this last little spurt.

Dog reunion. When Yeti comes back from the walk, the other two have to come bark at him.

Dressed for the day—navy blue on navy blue on navy blue

Invested in some house slippers, very proud of this purchase. They have served me well.

Off to my work space! Grateful for these giant monitors, who doesn’t love to see all their windows all at once.

I cleaned up my drafting table which had my previous work set up, including my monitor and stuff from work. We were told to return our chairs and monitors back to the office. So I packed it.

Morning snack time

This particular morning I ran a mini workshop for my team.

Lunch time, took the dogs out for some time in the yard.

Obsessed with my dog no shame

Mapo tofu leftovers for lunch

Farewell office chair—it saved my neck and back during the early pandemic. It’s oddly heavy and cumbersome, so I needed some help getting it into my *dirty* car. Don’t judge.

Grabbed a mask from my clean mask pile.

New tiny Gudetama tote coming with me today.

As ready as I’ll ever be

Quick tidy

Sat in the driver’s seat of my car and the monitor that I shoved back into the box nearly poked my brain. Will I make it to work without a head injury? Time will tell.

Back back back again

Cleaned and set up my monitor again. Threw out a bunch of documents from 2019 and 2020. Tried to feel okay with this situation.

Journeyed to get a covid test

Then chugged an iced coffee

See ya, Getty. Will be back again soon. *Cries*

Brief intermission at the car wash on the way home

Back home again, greeted by Yeti screaming. We’re working on his ability to chill when people come and go. It’s hard, ha. He’s a little reactive demon sometimes, but I sympathize, he is a covid baby.

I wait for him to calm a bit and then give everybody some hugs and kisses

Finished up the work day with a few more computer things, and ignored my dogs who all wanted attention.

Sat in the kitchen, had a snack, and finished up the crossword I started in the morning.

Off to my pottery studio for a few hours

I’ve been trying to go to my pottery studio two or three times every week.

A bunch of things on my shelf—some finished pieces to take home, and some bisqueware that I need to glaze still. Those bowls are some of the biggest I’ve ever made, so I’ve really put off glazing them for fear of ruining them.

Spent the evening throwing, testing to see how I could work with 6 pounds of clay. Plus a bonus little cup from an extra ball I had prepared the last time I was here.

Took some notes, cleaned up my mess, and packed up my glazed items to take home

Off to pick up some takeout dinner

It’s a bit surreal to visit a part of town that I don’t often go, and see so many people living their lives seemingly so normally without hesitation. I snuck in and out of the restaurant and took my pickup order home.

Back home

Yeti has to check out what we are eating—it is nothing super fun, sorry Yeti.

Too. Many. Streaming. Platforms.

Decided to try out “The Chair” on Netflix

We ended up binging the first four episodes. So stressful.

I went to get ready for bed, prepared coffee and put away our dinners.

The dogs went out for their last chance potty break

And then I went off to bed. Goodnight.

_

I hope you are well. Much love friends.